I took off my bra and money fell out...how crazy was I tonight?
Bonnaroo quote of the day: "why the fuck am i pregnant?!?!" - exclaimed loudly by random hippie.
he looked about as manly as a guy in a volkswagen bug can look
Drunk in some girls audi what the fuck is happenin i love sb
it's ELEVEN
thirty
hey dude i know youre in the next room but me and your sister need a condom, got any i could borrow?
Puked on a Tom Jones impersonator on the strip
Whoever decided it was a good idea to sell 40's at a bar with life-sized jenga deserves a nobel prize.
Little boy scout stared at me with judgmental looks while I bought 3 bottles of liquor but refused to buy popcorn from him
I love you more with every blowjob.
You should write for Hallmark.
So this tall girl jumped in our cab and I was like hey I have pics of u on my phone. It wasn't creepy at all
I texted him in the morning wishing him a day as spectacular as his dick was.
Do the right thing and go fuck yourself off a cliff
I no longer need a flask. I need a canteen.
Dude mama brought home the bacon, i got his HBO account i guess that makes up for his by par skills in bed.
Do not buy a prego test at the Walgreens you frequent. It's awkward. Just trust me.
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