I swear if she hugs me I'm going to bleach my body
Sign #1 this conference will suck: Ice breaker question, how many proud virgins do we have in the room, overwhelming response. Looks like I'm not getting laid this weekend.
Sitting at a bar next to a guy wearing sunglasses drinking a pitcher by himself and having an argument with himself over if journey is more ballin than kiss. Feel better about myself.
apparently i'm really good at getting wasted, having sex all night, getting multiple hickeys and oversleeping father's day brunch. this is the third year its happened.
just a question.. totally understand if you dont know what im talking about.. but.. do you have my funnel? i think i tucked it in to your bed last night.
My autobiography is now tentatively titled "I'm Fucking the DJ, and Other Ways to Party for Cheap"
I called him daddy. To his face. Somewhat sober. What more could I do?
It's like the sisterhood of the traveling vaginas over here
Good morning! Just thought I'd give you my yearly reminder that we lost our virginities 7 years ago, yesterday.
That's the best creepy text ever.
He told me I was "too flexible." Excuse me?
he has the ass of a greek god and he made me breakfast
Have you had sex with a man from New Zealand? No? Then your input is invalid.
Nothing says "single girl" quite like Pinot Grigio and canned ravioli at 11:30 pm....
Ain't no cockblock like hearing the word"HOOODOOORR!" shouted from the bedroom floor while in the middle of sex.
I just lectured my ex boyfriend on how to eat a girl out what has my life come to
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