I gave up sex with dolphins for you.
I saw her while sober, and she is definately cut off from the penis ride
I found your dream girl. She looked 11 but drove and on her key chain it said "if i am not wasted the day is"
I was so high I couldn't tell if they were goosebumps or herpes.
a cemetary is a place for people to rest in peace and you just spermed all over their land
you figure out which one you wanna sleep with, & I'll sleep with the other one. problem solved
he came within less than a minute of me blowing him. this was our second night hanging out in a row. for an almost 30 year old italian man, he is NOT living up to his country's reputation
My contribution to the dinner party was a bottle of vodka and a bag of uncooked potatoes. I felt like a Russian serf.
I asked a lamppost to be my valentine. Also: I'm wearing a sombrero. We need more sombrero in our lives.
THEIR PENISES MATCH. I JUST REALISED THAT. THEY HAVE IDENTICAL DICKS. OH GOD.
I just remember yelling "BODY SHOTS BODY SHOTS BODY SHOTS" while I was streaking
I don't know if dry shampoo will fix the decisions we made last night.
I gave his daughter swim lessons and in exchange he sold me an ounce. I feel so accomplished.
He's got the most well kempt beard I've ever seen and I need it between my thighs is basically what I'm saying
he's smothering me... and not in the good, can you move your thigh off my face please?.. way
Randomize
