He looks like Jesus, if Jesus had let himself go.
You know how you thought that you put on a condom last weel?
yea
turns out that you did...and i just found it.
i just saw someone crawling up the stairs to the dorm while screaming "i have the best vagina!"
Thats two for two birthdays where I've gotten the "alcoholism runs in the family" speech
herpes texted me again. he says he wants my vagina.
ok we should really consider changing this guys nickname...
at what point did you see referring to the bartender as 'the white precious' a good idea??
I should have known I was in trouble when you started pouring shots all over me
you kept telling us that in dog beers you only had one
If it looks really sketchy and smells like burnt pizza and pot you're in the right place
He knew exactly who I'd slept with after just one look at my crotch. He's like the Sherlock Holmes of cocks.
told our landlord the hole in the wall was from your head during drunk sex..
how did he take it?
not as well as i would have thought
i had a long naked conversation with the cop on why is everything fun illegal
NoShamevember. You game?
It's always awkward in the office the day after your boss sends you a dick pic.
I feel like that xmas present negates everything we were taught as little girls. Putting out DOES pay. God bless us everyone
Randomize
