I think i sorta joined a cult last night
planned parenthood is perfect for picking up chicks...they all put out
i just googled the alphabet. i couldnt remember if it was jklomnop or jklmnop.
who were those guys at the table sniffing dryer sheets?
I see you've set aside this special time to humiliate yourself in public.
when you agree to fuck a guy it does by NO means make it okay for his roommate to hide in the closet with doritos and watch
Not sure if you carved a butthole or vagina in that pumpkin but that didn't stop high Phil from mounting. My study group is horrified.
I think he just caught a duck in mid flight
If you say no to drinking on a Monday then I'm going to take you to the hospital for a MRI
Just saw a guy I fucked in a clown suit in the bar. It's not Halloween. I have got to start making better life decisions.
Are you up yet? I really want to know if i tried sleeping in a field... i have the vaguest memory of trying to
I stopped hooking up with him and ran to the bathroom to throw up. He saw me throwing up and it made him throw up
I woke up in a bunk bed beside two Brazilians dude you have no idea how happy I was
I saw his new girlfriend. She was flashing people, short and kinda chubby. I was happy with my life after that.
I woke up alone, naked in her bed staring at a lifesize poster of edward cullen,actually I'm lying I did have socks on
Randomize
