He wouldn't know what to do with his penis even if they made a "how to get a blowjob for dummies" guide
were talking about masturbation in my pysc class. He says it's healthy. I'm gonna live forever
This gyro tastes like lonliness
I swear, its like my old fuck buddies have a 6th sense for when I'm going to be daydrunk. Then they start texting me. And then I start sexting them
Apparently william has a "couch montage"...an album of facebook photos of himself on different couches in various states of happiness and despair. A heartwrenching journey through what was clearly a significant part of his life. I'd mock him more but I think the fact that I looked through it means he's already won
I knew it was a good Wednesday night when I woke up tucked in to NOT my own bed with my beer helmet, an empty bottle of Jose, and a trash can placed in front of my face.. Happy 20th!
He purred while eating me out. HE PURRED AND I LIKED IT.
I have words... I can't think of them tho. they keep melting together and forming you and I just want to hump it.
I wanted to make fun of someone saying that to an untrained ear, skrillex is blah blah blah. But it was too soon after they said it. And now I can't find it. These are real problems.
I should have bailed a long time ago. I mean, he has a bible verse-a-day app next to his dick pics in his phone.
You sent me a naked picture of you as a child? How is that normal
He drunk texted me what I think is two snails fucking on a mushroom. Is "you sick bastard" too mild a rejection?
After I asked for my 6th Gin & Tonic, the look on the flight attendant's face started to make me feel bad about myself.
Wow. I hope you were either doing that in your sleep or blacked out. You threw up then covered yourself in duct tape... i wish i got that on camera
Can we throw a "death to my 20s" party when I turn 30?
Sure. Funeral attire and hard liquor
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