So why didn't Edward and the Cullens just kill Hitler?
You need to stop watching Twilight.
So, someone in Olympia stole my credit card # last week and bought a platypus vibrator with it. That’s it.
Sorry I couldn't answer your call, I'm expecting a call from Chris Hansen.
I'm guessing you didn't end up going to the bar last night.
Nope. Ended up at what I believe was a slumber party down the street.
So we walked by this chick's house and she starts yelling at her boyfriend "STOP HITTING ME WITH YOUR DICK"
we lost you for like an hour and then found you at some dive bar trying to teach dance lessons
he acted like he had never seen anyone snort lines of adderall off of a microwave before. freshman.
I just saw a girl on crutches doing a walk of shame. She is either super dedicated, or her night didn't go as planned.
I finally looked at the pictures from last night thanks for feeding me and pulling my pants up
MASS TEXT! MASS TEXT! Your sad horny friend has finally gotten it in and can go back to being normal once again. You're welcome.
omg just made cake vodka jello shots, sooooo excited
dear god these taste like death. death and sprinkles
I feel like my sexual preferences are just another sign that I am a 75 year old drag queen in a 29 year old woman's body.
I think it's getting serious, we started a jigsaw puzzle together.
Philosophical question for you: is it better to go into work slightly drunk or slightly coked out?
Took an adderall for the first time in a few weeks. Spent 45 minutes peeling an orange TO PERFECTION.
after we fucked i left the room and when i came back he was patting his dick whispering "prouda you lil guy...prouda you"
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