you threw up in the bushes next to the ABC store and kept saying "you're home, blueberry vodka, you're home!"
she screamed "my eye!" and it brought me a surge of bad memories. except she was yelling about a lemon.
He's trying to row the canoe up my front yard like he is Lewis and Clark.
Leave it to us to have a family reunion in a bar bathroom
She grabbed both of our dicks in the pool then said repeatedly, "this is my dream, this is my dream,"
We can add pilot to the list of people who's lives I've changed...with my penis.
moms trying to set me up with a 28 year old. hes graduated university like im getting high in my bed and he's an adult
I completely forgot about the posting of partying pics shortly after adding my gma my dad was like grandma says your all over fb but she doesn't know how to use it. Of course I'm all over her fb. She's got 6 friends I am her newsfeed
So apparently when I'm drunk and want water I pant like a dog and expect to have water given to me..
Using my graduation announcement box as a table to roll a blunt on. I've official stopped giving a shit about senior year
Took my plan b at Costco today, sample Sunday for the win.
I don't need to marry the guy. I just need some filthy, shameful wish fulfillment sex and then live out the rest of my life on the bean farm.
We shall need something stronger. Anal lube, the blood of a giraffe, and a bay leaf should do the trick. Make the paste and cover your left knee and anus in it.
Thanks for being my best friend so I can use you as an alibi to my family while I'm out getting some dick in my face.
the people in front of me have a grocery cart in their car... i missed college...
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