I just farted so loud that my cat got so scared he fell off the couch.
he made me stop in the middle of the blowjob to turn the tv towrds him. i then proceeded when he stopped me again to get him the remote. fuck me.
Also I'm 95 percent positive we ate food naked together
I was more concerned about the amount of mcdonalds fries on the floor around me than i was with my lack of clothes.
I have a gash on my leg an a lobster leg in my purse.
Accidentally gagged on my toothbrush and puked up a Walgreen's cheeseburger. 1) I am not going to be on top of my game tonight. 2) Since when do I have a gag reflex? 3) Walgreen's cheeseburgers are awesome.
Suddenly I feel like all I did this summer was have sex in our apartment
Called my ex last night, told her I wanted to bang like we use too, her fiance was in the car, I was on speaker phone. NO MORE TEQUILA!
Did she say Ok?
The cop was yelling at you as you layed on the sidewalk and you wouldn't take him seriously cause you thought it was some dude in a cop costume.
No. If I hated you would get none. Then I would eat them all in front of you and laugh at your tears. Although that hasn't been ruled out for entertainment purposes. Nothing purposeful.
Then he texted me that I was the "good kind" of fat.
I did all i could do but i woke up smelling like cigars and theres salsa all over my face
I just got CPR certified, don't make me need these skills so soon
uh why is my bathtub filled with kool aid? or is that blood?
She dropped the call after she told me she doesn't want to hear about how loud he can scream.
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