planned parenthood is perfect for picking up chicks...they all put out
you told his mom that the only thing he wants for christmas is his dick in your mouth
I don't see why you're so upset, it's not like you were wearing pants either.
i don't think i ever formally apologized for that time i threw up on your dog.... well...here it is...
The girl behind me in psych just tapped me on my shoulder to tell me there was a condom wrapper in my hood.
So squirting runs in the family.
I might come over. Something about you makes me matronly and I have this urge to nurse you back to health with soup and a blowjob
Between my sister puke and rallying at the bar and my brother sending a drunk passed out naked pic in which his dick was exposed, I don't know which sibling to be more proud of this weekend.
just used my amazon order history to figure out my anniversary. I am the most epic/shittiest bf ever...
I was trying to fart in my sleep in the hopes that he would leave
I guess I was blacked out I hopped a fence and hugged a cow that night.
I just want to dump glitter on my floor and roll in it like a cat in catnip.
I have a boner in one of my pics with her which no one noticed.
Oh wow and I have a bunch of portable wine glasses called to go coffee cups
As in, legitimately worried. You just sent me a 6 message long text that did not contain any complete words.
Randomize
