we got back to my place and he started talking about feelings. i politely told him to leave and that he managed to cock block himself.
Yo, if someone calls you asking for John Stamos, just go with it.
No one even knew you were hurt until we saw the multiple cuts to prove it, and when we asked what happened all you could say was "I fell out"
So, your mugshot picture is behind the counter at B-Dubs, with the caption: "not allowed on premesis."
Lucas & I had a photo shoot with her cape & I had child arm floaties on most the night.. woke up in a spiderman bed
Why the hell did you invite him? He's gonna bring two more inches of dick and zero fun.
the upside of dating someone over 21: he can buy me a pregnancy test AND a bottle of wine when he goes to cvs for me
Lets play hurricane shelter. And the shelter is my bed, and we forgot our clothes.
Dude Carly, it's like, inconvinent how often you cause me to have an erection
Are you going to eat tacos off the floor again?
Just cried because I'm out of oreos. This post-molly depression can go fuck itself.
I thought about mashed potatoes the whole way home
My life has turned into sitting in the driveway listening to Total Eclipse of the Heart while staring at the Blue Moon. Hey, August. Let's be nice. I need help.
I'm having leftover pizza for breakfast. I'm clearly not the greatest at this adult thing.
It took me longer to jump start my car and get to his house than the fucking actually took.....
Randomize
