idk, it's all black and i hear low talking...
dude, i think you're in initiation!
shit. that's not good.
i was watching iron chef and got motivated, so i made dinosaur chicken nuggets
you won't ask to borrow his earbuds because you think it's gross, but you'll have sex with him?
Had sex with the ex last night. Regretting to begin in 5, 4, 3, 2, 1... WHYYYYYYYYYY!
I'm using process of elimination to determine which of our neighbors i fucked last night.
So there's dick imprints in the peanut butter
He just ordered a bottle of Beam at an Italian place for us to share.
I'm sitting here in nothing but my panties, eating beef jerky and reese's for breakfast.Today is not the day to expect me to make sound life decisions.
it's like my freshman wet dream come true
No. More. Tequila. Even the hot dog guy felt bad for me and you know that guy has seen some crazy shit.
Cuz I feel like I ate the whole candy isle at 7/11 last night and chased it with rum
You pretty much did tho
cops tried arresting me on the way to class this morning.. this is my life.
I've been trying to fall asleep with ice packs covering my vagina for the last hour... Sorry for being vulgar. I'm going to kill myself.
I don't know how to explain to you that you tried to recreate the bit from the Dana Carvey show where a guy dressed as Bill Clinton breastfeeds a bunch of puppies
She shouldn’t care what consenting adults do behind closed doors
You do realize it was her husband you were hooking up with behind that door, right?
Randomize
