Stop bringing these fucking whores home with you. If I have to fight over the remote with a bleach blonde idiot wanting to watch the hills reruns one more time I'm pissing in your shampoo.
the bouncer kept askin you for id just to see how long it would take you to find your pants
DO NOT FUCK HIM ON MY BEAN BAG CHAIR
I didn't sleep with her. I'm boycotting arizona and she's from phoenix.
Everyone threw up but him. I took off my shirt because I puked on it. There were also a lot of drag queens involved.
dude to be honest with you there is a used condom that ive just left on my floor for three days
you have got to get your shit together
getting up at 8am to start drinking seemed like a much better idea before I had to wake up at 8am
We poured some Korbel out for our homie Dick Clark.
It's all good, I've hated people for lesser reasons than being my ex boyfriend's favorite pro athlete of all time
The worst part about being a grammar Nazi is all the porn I skip over because the titles are misspelled
If we tried baptizing you I feel the water would start boiling around you.
either I'm really high or that last bong rip tasted like christmas
Idk... he wears anklets.. i dont think i can get past that.
ya I went to the grocery store literally just for cheese and condoms
They're doing CPR to someone in the middle of Victoria's Secret. Way to block the undies, damnit!
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