New low: just hacked my moms facebook
why do i have 22 missed calls from someone who is literally saved in my phone as bumrape star??
Through a series of unfortunate circumstances, I think I just sprayed lime juice on my vagina.
There is something about weddings and lines being done off my ass
You have to stop getting hammered and preaching about that mission trip to Haiti.
I would like to apologize for my MANY attempts of trying to motor boat you.
My liver hurts and I just woke up from my first sleep in two days
Sounds like the perfect vacation
I just realized I'm the burger in your burger and steak anology. Very disconcerting.
All you have to do is speak. Your voice reverberates strait to my vagina.
I ate the last cupcake. I'm sorry. It was in the refrigerator mocking me. So I ate it. And it was glorious. But I'm sorry.
You were petting your bowl of cocoa puffs and shushing it softly while staring at the mirror
I went to an 8am hookup in another guys sweatpants. Who is the really player here?
I AM BEING ACCOSTED BY A HUMMING BIRD
I AM IN MILD DISTRESS
He was really cute! And I know but it's just like getting my fix ya know? He's basically a human vibrator.
I've seen too many naked penises for this to be a normal Monday morning
Randomize
