He’s a liberal pot smoker and perfect for me. He invented a game where we have to smoke a joint every time you hear a Middle Eastern accent on NPR.
found: crazy homeless guy quoting Quagmire lines to every chick he sees. i think i win the scavenger hunt.
I thought about farting is his face when he was going down on me last nite.
you kept thanking chef boyardee for having pull tab cans
We found her in the fireplace eating dog biscuits.
She trust falled out of a window. It was like that scene from A Little Princess but with a lot more blood.
Don't let her tell you any different. She licked the balls of my hamster for that $100. It was a group bet. She won.
She did my hair, then ate me out. Switching teams was an awesome decision.
Do you know how to give stiches?
I do not...this text concerns me
The plan is that you eat an edible first, then pressure your dad to do one. You know you are down.
Technically, I traded a soft pretzel for sex last night...
Well I'm in a stranger's bed.
Gotta leave to watch the Lions
Dude, I'm not going to use a butt plug.
It was like Lady and the Tramp, but just tramp and the tramp. And instead of spaghetti and meatballs, we had whiskey and cups
I don't think getting eaten out in a smart car behind a circle-k on my break by a guy I just met classifies as social distancing, but I'm beginning to love night shift more and more.
Randomize
