She wouldn't stop saying her own name. Like a damn pokemon.
I just bought a vibrating toothbrush with my parents FSA insurance card because I'm too broke for a vibrator. New.Level.Of.Low.
i told her she would have to blow me everytime we lost a game of beer pong, she never noticed i purposely hit our opponents in the face every other shot
Based on the pics I have taken of hookups while they were passed out or sleeping, I have scientifically concluded that no two vagina lips are the same. They are like snowflakes.
Ima go for a jog. and I'm going to jog until I throw up a lung. then I'll crawl home.
He Facebook stalked his way right into my pants.
When i say that im working late and also have a paper to write before 9am tomorrow all i want u to respond is saying that ur gunna come over and sexually distract me from my responsibilities. Not a fucking frowny face.
Sorry. Im on my way.
My mom had to physically restrain me because I wouldn't stop acting like a dinosaur.
I got my dick out in a gay bar for just one free shot. I didn't know I could be bought so cheap
yeah, I don't think I'm getting into the baseball game tonight. The security guard definitely saw me bowl over that child.
its the first football sunday and my boyfriend isn't excited. this isn't gonna last unless he makes me snacks and brings me beer during the game.
I found your dog. Now we are bros, so he is staying. Don't call, don't make it weird.
I gave myself a charlie horse masturbating this morning. I feel like that really set the tone for the day.
okay i know we havent talked for like weeks but i just really wanted to tell you that i miss your dick. like alot.
whose this? and thank you
Played Gay Bar on the jukebox and pissed off the Republicans here. Best day before birthday ever.
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