4:25 am: I want you here. Ugh.
can your parents tell?
i just had a cookie in one hand and a phone in the other and tried to eat my phone...they know
No one understands that once a girl pours a handle of smirnoff all over herself, clearly she is wasted
we cut her off and put her in bed but by the time we got back to the drinks she was already there shirtless. she's the topless tequila ninja
He made a fake guest pass that was just a note card with "I'm here. Me." written in sharpie, and tried to convince the security guard it was real.
Thanks for coming to the hospital with me, In return, I will buy you ecstasy.
Sundays should be dedicated to Girl Scout cookies, sex, and super hero movies.
Fuck Sunday funday. Fuck real pants. Fuck the sun. Fuck Jameson. Fuck my life. Yes, I am hungover as shit sitting in my office eating bacon.
Some people say 6pm is too early to get drunk. To them I say this dinner is delicious.
Listen I took a family sized bottle of merlot to the face last night and there's an svu marathon on. Give me some time please.
She was dressed as a banana and told me that I needed more potassium in my diet. Of course I went down on her.
He sent me a dick pic from work, but I could see all the pizzas in the background. Now I'm just hungry.
I have one goal now that I am in the USA. To find a man I can fuck into marriage before my visa runs out.
Thought the acid was fake. Then my reflection didn't move when I did in the bathroom.
college girl with braces trying to flirt with you...time to go
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