So I went home with some chick last night... I'm not sue what's worse: not getting a nut at 5am, the condom breaking and not being replaced, feeling poo when I put my finger in her but, sleeping on a heroin mattress in her living room, her swine flu coughing fit at 7am or realizing she peed the matt at 10am. Actually it was probably the fact that she continuously told me she was the classiest girl in boulder.
Fat chicks shouldn't bartend
An ad on my facebook says "don't be THAT girl". Its like it knows.
Is snow just God skeeting all over the place??
Yes. Yes it is.
I feel if a girl leaves my house the next morning feeling degraded and in desparate need of a shower, then I have succeeded.
you pulled down your pants to convince a girl you were god
I cannot tell if the couch is cold or I spilled beer. THAT kind of night.
HIS TAN HAS PUT ME TO SHAME. HE TOOK HIS PANTS OFF AND HIS DICK LOOKED LIKE A GHOST
My life has become one weird ass game. No one wins. No one loses. We all just kind of hang in limbo and hope we don't die. Eskimo sisters for life. Please have sex with one of them.
Please collect your boy friend. He semi-passed out on the couch and trying to grab bums as people walk by. Anyone's bum, he's not choosy.
"Just cut me in half. Then take half of me home. And leave the other half here. Cuz I can't see."
Not as awesome as someone telling you that you have the biggest tits they've ever seen. And they're like 30-something, so they've seen a decent amount of tits in their lifetime.
You gotta own your makeout pics Matt. They're like badges of honor
Just shaved my balls on a moving train. By far the most dangerous stunt I've ever pulled
I admit I fucked your best friend, but to be fair, you fucked the tristate area. So there's a good chance about 40% of those people are MY friends.
Randomize
