so she asked me if I thought she was fat and naturally I said no..... but I think she might catch on
who is she? I really hope you have an explanation cause either you think I'm fat or you're cheating on me
i just walked in on him masterbating..to a picture of me. that definitely has to be true love.
she's laying in my bed with an ice pack on her vagina. how do you think it went?
Tempting. But I already used the alcohol poisoning excuse at work this month. No way he would believe it a second time...
he made a bald eagle out of coke lines
You walked away saying that you had to pee and you never came back. We found you an hour later in his roommate's bed. Under the covers. Still in your wet bathing suit.
It was just a reflex. BOOM I kicked her in the face
Are you still goin to the xmas party?
Yaaaa why?
Jus making sure i will have nice people i know to put a blanket over me when i pass out in the field .
I think 2012 will be the year I purposely put myself in awkward situations. Much like 2011 but really trying this time. Like fucking the little sister of a girl I already fucked and dating a chick that lives with her ex. It could be awesome or horrible.
Just gave my liver a good luck and I'm sorry speech
After sending me a dick pic, he asked, "yay or nay?"
I just got CPR certified, don't make me need these skills so soon
I gotta stop fucking the bouncers. We are running out of bars to go to.
Smoked a joint with mom, best Thanksgiving ever!
Jello shots? I thought you weren't drinking tonight.
Im not drinking im slurping
Randomize
