Would it be weird if I brought slabs of bacon with me to the beach?
I was just making a list of the girls i have slept with and i can't remember your sisters name
We folded our dollar bills into airplanes. This really makes the strippers work for it. Like air miles.
A slipped finger up the butt isn't the end of the world
I'm home and safer than post-menopausal sex; you're welcome for the image. And yes, I did just use a semi-colon hammered.
I think i blacked out...but i remember licking your teeth
we need to find an occasion to wear tutus
you cant ever make fun of my bong's stick on moustache again. its the reason the cop let me keep it and my weed.
In lieu of flowers, please donate to The Hungover Children's Fund in my name.
How the hell do you leave a party with a kitten? It's missing and everyone knows it was you.
I just realized I slept with a guy who used the pickup line "do you have a bandaid? I skinned my knee when I fell for you."
I behisseth at your soul from the deepest darkest depths of the earth
YOLO is a great motto until you end up with Chlamydia
I was so drunk I got stuck in the middle of a revolving door
"You can have sex in my class, just stay quiet. I don't like noise." My professor... Shall make for an interesting semester.
Randomize
