Things overheard in WeHo: "Just drink a corona and eat some ass, you won't be hungry anymore"
everyone is single if you try hard enough
I just made friends with the guy at the coffee shop in borders. And by that I mean he stared at me until I was uncomfortable and left.
dear roomies, would anyone wanna donate the booze they left in the fridge over break to the "your roomies snowed in and all alone" fund?
I have decided today is drunk costume day. That is, i woke up still drunk and found costumes all over my floor. Heck yes. This is happening. Come over. Drink.
Were at her birthday dinner and her dad keeps buying me shots saying when I was your age I fucked the shit outta girls
Hahahahahaha remind him your dating his daughter
Currently doing my walk of shame down a floating dock. No more guys who live on a boat EVER AGAIN
I just made the answer to all my security questions "fuck you" with various levels of ! marks. I may regret this in the morning.
I owe a guy a shoe because I threw it over a fence. That is all.
Why do I even exist?
Dang. We need a girls trip ASAP. Preferably in a country who has even lower standards than us on a Friday night.
last night on the strip the guy screamed at you YOU GOTTA WORK ON YOUR CALVES.
You cannot meet up with him at the tailgate, his parents are there. What are you going to say "Hi I'm the one who fucks your son, can I get a cheeseburger?"
Reasons why I'm always right: I am older, I am wiser, I have a larger penis
My boyfriend told me that I said I wanted to "feast on her vagina"... Glad I don't remember.
He literally just laid flat on top of me motionless at one point. It felt less like foreplay and more like he was trying to use me as a flotation device. 0/10
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