I just walked into the kitchen and my dad was having this uber serious convo
With himself
I can't get into him, he looks really young. I'd feel like I was blowing the Gerber baby.
I cant video chat with you tonight, my parents are home
r u implying that im some kind of v-chat prostitution whore?
So apparently vaginal secretions are not covered under water damage insurance for my cell phone
Black out sex on the trampoline? yes please.
I'm gonna need a helmet and adult supervision by 9...
Your tequila is gone. I suggest you bring more home before you go out for dinner. Money is taped to mailbox.
I don't think I'm emotionally ready for this blow job.
Is this like a "I'm taking you out to dinner and treating you with respect" kind of date, or is this a "I'm gonna fill you with alcohol and cheese and stuff my dick in your anus" kind of date?
I gave you a piece of bread to sober you up. You wiped your face off with it and then gave it back to me.
This will always be remembered as the Christmas I had 15 Russians sing christmas carols to me at 130am alone in a gas station while I was stoned on pot brownies
I think I'm still high. And I definitely still smell like lobster, so there's that
You took the glass microwave plate and said it was the closest thing to a frisbee, let me know how that works out for you
Is this making any sense, because I’m puking and trying to be Philosophical right now
The highlight of my week is I found some hetero porn I didn't completely hate. Branching out.
Randomize
