Just tried calling my phone on my phone because i thought i lost my phone.
seriously i just wanna be friends
pass
Just wondering why in an apartment full of stoners there is half a waffle in the TRASH CAN. get ur shit together man
when I woke up she was standing in the living room with a bottle of scotch because she is "allergic to hangovers"
Discovered the secret to willingly attending my 3-o'clock class. Ahoy, Cap'n.
believe me... letting the man that delivered you from your mother's vagina do shots off your stomach is really fucking awkward.
You would think that an uncircumcised man would understand how the hood of a clit works.
She eyed me up from across the bar and mouthed "I have no gag reflex".
I want you to come here and listen to her climax and then tell me how funny you think it is.
So howd u manage to get high at a one year olds birthday anyway?
You do realize there's a subtle difference between not remembering your outfit from april 17th of last year vs forgetting that last night you undressed in the street and were grabbing every dick you could reach, right?
After the party last night, I dreamt I continued drinking... Apparently my subconscious didn't think I'd had enough...
Ended up in some house where this dude has a $1200 leopard cat
PLEASE HELP ME THE AMERICANS ARE YELLING ABOUT TURKEY, I DON'T KNOW WHAT TO DO
I'll get the most aesthetic strap on, you'll see
Randomize
