I got chris browned last night
I bet i've been more pregnant than you.
What happened to the watermelon?
You fucked it.
I may or may not be negotiating a deal of baked goods for socks...keep you posted
he attacked my vagina with the force of a thousand suns
I snorted a few ambien and woke up here. A lady banged on our door, waking us up, demanding our towels.
So I just stole my deans keys to break into the dining hall to get coco puffs. I shouldn't have gone to this meeting stoned.
Apparently "I licked it so now it's mine" doesn't apply to people
well considering the guy who just delivered my cookies had to console me as i had a mental breakdown in front of him i'd say i'm 4/10 right now, thank you
all I know is id definitely throw up if you guys ever dated so if you do stay the fuck away from me
After all this I still can't spell gonorrhoea without autocorrect
congratulations on joining the accidental bisexual club
After he finished, he fell on the floor and whispered "finally satisfied"
So apparently my bro is going to make me fix his tattoo this trip... He sent me a pic of said tattoo. Tattoo is of a sperm, on his penis, which was in a woman's mouth... Wth
Whats a little breast milk between friends?
Randomize
