Dear tim. Christina farted and it smells like kid roses.
Someone told me that drinking would get me no where in life. Drinking has gotten me everywhere in life.
i went to throw her on my bed and threw her straight in to my bike
I really wanna talk..
if by talk you mean have nasty makeup sex involving marshmellow fluff.. I'm down
She forgot my birthday again. How do you forget something that came out of your vagina???
shes got that 'its my party i can do meth if i want to' mentality. i like that.
Were playing beruit winners pelt losers with eggs
At what point would you like us to save you from yourself?
Last night he asked the cab driver "if you were in the middle of getting tattooed and the tattoo artist suddenly got a boner would you leave or would you get that boner??"
We're walking, taxis are a waste of money that can be spent on alcohol.
Don't shower too much, need the shame to be fresh to get the best story
Would it be weird if i sent him a "happy fuckiversary" text?
It's probably not a good thing when it isn't even 6:30 and I've already drank an entire bottle of wine. By myself. I'm watching Spice World and I just bought 2 Spice Girls albums off itunes.
Make that 3 Spice Girls albums.
I'll be back in a hour going with Jason to get his nipples tattooed back on again
He casually compared computer science to childbirth and I was like "hey, as someone who has wanted to fuck you for six months now, could you please never talk about childbirth ever again"
Randomize
