Capitaan dildo arrescate!
he's a nude model. what could you have done to make him feel awkward??
The little things make me happy. Little dicks do not.
I swear this girl is like a Cross between Danny Devito and Anne Heche....the Lesbian Years.
i should teach a seminar on how to fall off the wagon
I feel like strippers are like dogs, the more you show you're terrified the faster they come at you.
Hey do you think you can sew an adult onsie with easy access if you know what I mean!!?? It must have bunny feet.
plus there's no nice way to tell a guy you physically hate the shape of their cock.
IT'S A FUCKING GIANT POKEBALL MAD OUT OF TINY ROSES
New BDSM fun fact. When you get spanked hard enough with a flat object, you get welts. Welcome to thunderdome, bitches.
Yelling at the starbucks lady to write Beyoncé on my cup
Are you proud of yourself?
ask me again when I'm drunk. Then fuck off.
I am a figure skater. You should know better than to let me get drunk near any patches of ice during Olympics season.
Yup, found the vomit in the side compartment. My bad.
You know you threw a brownie at my head last night. And said you did it to defend the turtles honer....
Randomize
