and then he said that some chick told him he danced like an epileptic on crystal meth. he then proceeded to demonstrate this statement, which i can testify is 100% accurate.
On the bright side, at least we arent the generation raised by fucked up teen moms.
Look dude I'm sorry I used your bong to snorkel in my bathtub last night
Abby. I can text perfectly. I pledge allegiance to the flag of the united states of america. and to the republic, for which we stand, one nation under god indivisible and with liberty and justice for all god bless america
I had a dream that our used condom started talking to me. I told me that I did an amazing job, and told me that it saved me. From aids.
I just stood next to my childhood self. Fuck, I'm really stoned...
YOU LET ME GO HOME WITH CREEPY RON JEREMY?!?
...and?
I hate when you're right.
A big dick and how quickly they respond to snapchat is all I look for in a guy
I just don't understand how she's willing to go through so much planning and effort just to get a dick inside of her
A homeless man gave him a blanket and an ambulance drove him to sarahs...
In 2014 only three boys have seen my boobs so far
He made a playlist to use during sex...that ended with The Ultimate Warrior's entrance music.
Living alone for four weeks has given me unrealistic expectations of pantslessness.
Dude she passed out on the floor so you covered her with a blanket to make sure "no one would notice her"
And when she started moving around and making noises you told everyone, "it's okay, it's just my roomba under there".......
I just learned that the grill marks on a Burger King burger patty are actually previously burnt on there with a radioactive spray-on liquid and McDonald's french fries are actually 5% potato.
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