your dick doesn't do me any good in arizona
Apparently I look legit enough, cause the 3 bums next to me just got kicked awake by cops, and I was allowed to stay sitting here. That's a plus, right?
We can get Dustin to help us. I think he'd be good at luring girls into a dark alley.
ironically, his detergent was also "small and mighty"
hey..i found a takeout box with a half-eaten hamburger in it, the box said to text this number if found...
Do you think flip cup during wine tasting is a bad idea? They're perfect flipping cups...
Just read my long term horoscope. I'm not gonna get laid for another 2 years.
Im embracing the luau theme and maybe bringing a kiddie pool filled with alcohol. Im also embracing the high probability I will not remember this night.
They gave me patron and potatoes I couldn't say no
Fuck off I wasn't that drunk. I was still able to toss froot loops in the air and catch them in my mouth.
And in your bra. It was quite entertaining.
but you were the sluttiest panda there and you need to embrace it
Monday afternoon and I'm still hungover from Valentine's Day. I think I'm winning at the single life.
The doctor basically called me a dirty dick.
In other news, just had to pluck an ingrown pub with the pliers from my multi tool while sitting on the toilet at work.
I had to explain to the doctor why I'm peeing blood. He still didn't believe a girl would have that much sex... You could feel the judgement forming in the room when I went into the details...
Damn, well a girls gotta get laid too
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