If someone cant be won over with guacomole and tequila they are not worth your time.
Puked in the hotel lobby and just kept walking. I love mardi GRAS.
I just walked into my exam wearing a mans tshirt and Alex's size 13 crocs twenty min late carrying only a pencil and my heels...I'm not real
You were crying and asking his mom "why doesn't he like road head?"
I want him in the "you're a terrible idea and are probably going to get me killed by my parents, my siblings, and my boyfriend" way
So my roommate and I have a written agreement stating that if he tries to sleep with his ex girlfriend, I have to immediately intervene and nut punch him then send her on her way.
this is the most serious roommate agreement ever
The only reason I have clothes in my overnight bag is to cover up my sex toys.
I lost a fight last night. By that I mean I head butt the bar and busted my lip open.
How do I tell this guy that if he does not like the condoms at my apartment, he should bring his own without sounding like a sure thing?
Say it's BYOC night at the beach. And, you are a sure thing. Own it.
why the hell did we go to a rave last night?
we didn't?
definitely went to a bar with strobe lights
JENNIFER. You passed out in a toilet with a color changing light in it.
Pretty sure I got at least one girl to question her sexuality at the Christmas party last night
she's my really slutty friend i bring around so i can act slutty and not feel as bad about it
Literally been in their house 5 minutes and I've projectile vomited all over the bathroom wall. The dog licked it up though so I think it's cool.
hey i'm sure you are probably asleep bc you suck and think sleep is necessary to live or something?
You’re better off without him. Actually, he’s better off without you and that’s what really matters
Randomize
