Um....I woke up to a lipgloss covered bottle of Jack daniels in my arms..
You've kissed worse.
At one point during the moaning he reminded me of Forrest Gump
I found it funny that her boobs actually kinda felt like a bag of sand. the 40 year old virgin should feel better about himself.
Can we have fireworks this year or will the ocean explode?
The voicemail says i shouldn't bother ever showing my face there again, i don't understand
We visited your boss last night. guess you wont be paying the rent this month, eh?
It was perfect I came I passed out in his comfortable bed then a glass of jack Daniels fell from the bed post and spilled all over my face
I obviously couldn't but this on your fbook wall. I would get judge. I would willingly get tbagged by him. You can quote me on that.
You rolled around in the grass BEFORE we went in and said it was because "ladies love that eau de earth"
Some drunk guy thought my knee scooter was the sexiest thing he's ever seen. He then proceeded to ask me about duck hunting and decoys...
I found three vicadin and a pint of fireball with the note. In case of emergency drink me under their sink.
I woke up to the sound of him repeatedly tapping out SOS in Morse Code using his hard cock.
Let us ponder on the good times. Ya know when the Jonas brothers were incapable of growing facial hair and I didn't fully understand what a dick looks like
On the flip side Weston asked if he could move me to Wisconsin to be his "moto hoe" which is actually a thing apparently
Doug the spinning teacher gave me chlyamdia
Since when is my clitoris pierced?
Randomize
