Lavender boy was great at seduction and crappy in bed.
Raise your hand if you bought 2 annoying girls shots of water. CLOWNS.
I met the nicest Tranny last night. He/She loves Cheetos.
Can you tell me why I have pubes stuck in my teeth?
you told him you liked to chip your nail polish to look like different countries. im gonna guess that no, you didn't sleep with him.
And my fence, why is part of it on the roof?
I don't even want to think what you did to boys being that drunk and horny.
Then I wouldn't suggest looking at the pictures from last night.
we were running to make last call and you stopped me and said very seriously "if i fall, go on without me. just make sure theres a beer in my hand when you go"
I've decided that my night was probably over when I started eating the penne vodka with my hands.
well in the interest of full disclosure I have been using a used kfc spork as a buttscratcher for a month
And then you asked me why my legs were so thick and started measuring them with a ruler
I just wanna get hammered somewhere crazy. Meet some chicks. Bang them and then go scuba diving.
There is a drunken, assless white chick here at this bar wearing a shirt that says "REAL WOMEN TWERK FOR JESUS". I have officially had it with our generation.
reason #1 why i should never live alone: i haven't put pants on since she left 26 hours ago. and ive made spaghetti 3 times.
I never thought I'd be complaining about having sex 4 times a day, but here we are...
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