I dont know whether to be proud of myself for not driving, or being proud that i was so messed up I couldnt drive
and thats how i got kicked in the balls by micky mouse
because whats more american than sleeping with a westpoint cadet on the 4th of july?
There will be two dogs there to provide supervision. Not to worry.
I'm sorry I can't get drinks with you. I have to make sure my dad doesn't go to jail.
Nobody is stopping the marines from drinking in class on veterans day. They literally brought a cooler with a bottle of whiskey and vodka on ice. And are passing out red cups to anyone interested. Staying in Vegas for college has officialy become an A+ decision
I took an adderall. This is weird. My eyes are really wide open and I am really good at staring. I've written on 9 peoples walls and updated my status. I am getting shit DONE!
i love when the champions come out to play im bringin the shock collar this weekend
Just bought weed from the ice cream man. The kid in front of me got a tootie fruitie.
How do I carry myself in a way that says "I swallow"?
Whenever you have to pee or whatever I'll be over here to harass you
my extended weekend of being as irresponsible as possible started with blowing the bartender in the bar bathroom. off to a good start.
A log hopped out of the fireplace and caught the carpet on fire. Good summary of this election if you ask me.
He told me to grab his penis so I did and swung it around and said “awe, it looks like the wacky inflatable tube man.
He pulled out a Plan B pill and handed it to me as I left like it was a party favor. God Bless America.
Randomize
