is it cool if i come over and use your computer?
what happened to yours?
i got a little to drunk last night and threw up on it...then i tried to wash it off under the sink.
just saw my sister at the strip club... dont think she's "taking a night class over the summer"
He asked if I wanted to blow his flute? Please call me and pretend there is a family emergency!!!
im pretty sure all they do is fuck. and talk in baby talk. its two babys fucking basically.
my brother came home with a bottle of vodka and his pants off. were gonna spend more quality time together.
we can't get the sharpie off the toilet seat from where you pressed your forearm with THUG LIFE written on it while you puked until 3 last night
Thanks for having me and my emotional baggage over last night.
Showering in not my own throw up is really hittin the spot right now.
I feel you. We can get adjoining rooms. It'll be like Disney world, but with drugs and ivs instead of roller coasters and Mickey Mouse.
Which is way cooler
Everytime I try to keep track of the amount of people I slept with I always forget about that guy I met on the dc metro, where I woke up to him organizing his Special K and Molly and I was covered in sleeping cats.
You know getting black out drunk at a cats birthday party should have been my lowest point drinking wise but some how I feel like last night was some how worse
And then the night went full on bisexual.
I woke up covered in thousand island dressing. I need answers.
My ex-wife, who I haven't heard from since the divorce, just Amazoned me cherry flavored massage oil and a rainbow caps with the message "Happy Pride". What's the polite response?
I woke up with a pube in my teeth...I'm disturbed cause we're both clean shaven
Randomize
