She's perfect. Funny, gorgeous, 3 tats, been through a lot, bright. I'm in love.
i just told a girl i would suck the alcohol out of a deoderant stick
i took a field sobriety test yesterday. a crowd gathered, watched me pass it and applauded. then the cops arrested me because i took a bow and fell over.
and i think we compared dick sizes, then high fived...
I just took went to the bathroom and it smelt like blue curococo... I didn't flush yet so head on up if you wanna know what a good night smells like.
My cab driver just texted me 'goodnight beautiful'. I think my 'desperate for a guy phase' has just moved into a fuck my life phase.
You would be my first round pick for a drinking team
Do you remember me making bird noises at the bartender with some guy at the bar last night?
The creepiest man is serenading me at the bar right now. I had about a quarter of a drink left and the bartender just walked over and filled it with vodka and walked away laughing.
I just had a great idea for an etsy shop. Sell all the shit bitches leave from one nighters
He yelled at me to keep it in my pants and I replied with I will fuck your roommate as much as I please. Oops
I've finally given up enough on finals week to wear the same shirt three days in a row, because I didn't take my hoodie off for the first two.
I found where he bartends and I guarantee you that in approximately nine months from this Friday, you will have a niece
But seriously, I love having sex with you and simultaneously know I never wanna date you.
I have no idea what happened last night but I sobered up whilst showering with a mop.
Randomize
