New Low: Just set a reminder on my phone for me to check on things I need to harvest late on Farmville.
wow... just woke up to find out that the OJ we used in my bong last night was poured back into the carton
I'm going to fuck my way out of the friend zone if its the last thing I do
Just mixed my liver cleanse with Bacardi. Best. Thing. Ever.
Dude that musta been some handjob last night. The sound of her pandora bracelet kept waking me up
Im about to shotgun a beer using my mother's knitting needles. home sweet home.
Nothing like a 3am firealarm to kick a booty call out...
she's a dental assistant. she can get nitrous. kinda looks like a sloppy bucket of fuck. time to take one for the team. NEED SHOTS STAT!!
as of this morning I have officially vommed on the highways of 6 different countries. It's a proud moment.
Craig, a bottle of Jamison, and I had a party on the roof last night. No idea how I got down. My injuries indicate fall...
Donating $10 to Sandy victims for every hurricane I drink tomorrow. Buying me alcohol just became a good cause.
well one of us has to be wrong and it's not going to be me
so, i guess i gotta chill on showing up to work hungover... someone anonymously left a bible in my work mailbox (no one else got one)
Morning! Im using your rent money to snort percocet.
Im blaming it on six shots of Jack, loneliness and a chemical imbalance. That's the best I can think of...
Randomize
