i think i gave myself a perma-hangover. or god just hates me.
look, i may have sacrified a 20% assignment for a sprite. this is what hangovers do to me.
just upgraded from jello shots to jello bowls blacking out just got that much more delicious
his cum tasted like old pizza and looked like old milk
this girl with a french braid down the center of her head won't stop talking about the benefits of the free market. i'm hungover, bloated and haven't slept for 4 days. shut up french braid girl, shut up.
There aren't nearly as many guys masturbating on chatroulette as i was led to believe...i feel cheated
I just did my online traffic school at the bar. No biggie.
in mid cry she says "I can be a whore if I want to"
Just so everyone's clear, it was already on fire when I got there.
Noooo. I told you she WAS a cancer. Not that she HAS cancer. This was the one time being a doctor didnt get you laid you alcoholic bastard
Welp, I can cross "making out with a guy in a dress" off my bucket list...
Dressing as mugato from zoolander Halloween you may want to be the hand model. We can get you a fish bowl filled with Clementine Vodka and soda you can put your hand in.
How the hell does my fucking boss know about the goddamned magician I fucked?!?
Well you should have thought of that before you were reckless with your butt
Getting drunk at 9 am is not a super power.
Randomize
