It smells like weed.
We are in Boulder, Everything smells like weed.
his fiance had made him a calendar of pictures of her. he asked if he should take it down and i said no. i wanted her to watch.
Just threw up in my seat during the national anthem. Probably not good.
The only thing that makes me want to stop the affair is that I am the Monica Lewinksy in this triangle.
The dog just sneezed and it sounded like a person, after I said bless you I freaked the fuck out and got the gun
So if a girl goes for it you're gonna stop her and tell her you gave up ejaculation for lent?
Well I was thinking of taking him out for drinks then lecturing him about his drinking... kind of like an open minded intervention
Notice how both of our plans for hooking up with these guys involve getting them drunk?
Oh my God, we're like men but with great boobs.
sexting foreigners is the best. they respond with silly things like "love that tits"
He's not very smart so he didn't know I was yelling at him with monologues from Scandal.
I think he fucked my hip out of place.
I wasn't that gone.
Dude, you cried and said how sorry you were when we asked why you had the dip.
dude it was our first time and her hair caught on fire from the candles on the nightstand
There is no way that actually happened!
the smell of burnt hair covered up the sweaty sex smell.
i could have got laid, but instead, i threw up in her hair. you can cross that off the bucket list.
my mom is drunk and is trying to get me to take a picture of her ass. what is life?
Randomize
