Tonight, I'm planning on being a bigger trainwreck than Britney Spears circa 2007.
he accidentally used the toothbrush i use to induce my bulemia...i feel like this is something he shouldnt find out...
He just stood there...Helen Keller and I could have had a more interesting conversation
Was finally able to jerk off without the motion giving me a migraine. Think my hangover's getting better.
He said he's was gunna give me some pain meds. I'm not sure what they are but I just gave him a thumbs up
I think I'm making progress on my commitment issues. I drunk made out with the same guy from last semester this weekend.
apparently i told her i wouldn't press charges if she brought me food.
I don't care what he thinks. My vagina has an open door policy.
Jon thought he was that blonde chick from Three's Company when he was shrooming
I dare you try and top an Eiffel tower full of Margarita
"The juvenile turned and faced the officer, unzipped his pants, placed a fresh cigarette in between his legs and preceded to light it with a match"
He puked in the voicemail. That's a true friend right there.
Just ran into a client at a sex shop. The meeting tomorrow is going to be really awkward as we both try not to picture each other using vibrators or role play costumes.
FUCK IM ABOUT TO GET A DICK PIC IN THE LIBRARY
is it bad that I'm more worried about having to take out my piercings than the fact that I might be having a kid
Randomize
