I locked my keys in my car in front of planned parenthood. I'm terrified of going inside to ask to borrow a clothes hangar.
Just tell them you need to fix a mistake real quick.
"what do u think of parents raising kids to be peeping toms" said guy on bus 2 me
Thats how high i was. The fact that he looked like Seth Rogan was apparently a good thing.
You kept asking who was the good cop and who was the bad cop, you said you only wanted to talk to the good one
No I'm not coming over. That Bob Ross drinking game is too intense.
Get out here. Doing shots with the delivery guy. Also, the food is here
I made the jerking off hand motion to my mother by accident this morning. It was awkward for everyone involved.
I'm just saying, no one has ever made me laugh or cum as hard as you do. Sometimes at the same time which I didn't know was possible. Is there even a word for that besides love?
I don't understand how these people can do extreme gymnastics and I have problems walking up the stairs.
Mid stroke she told me she'd had bigger. Replied I could tell. Sex ended right at that moment.
40s are totally the cure
I know he's gay. But if he touches my vagina I'm human centipeding his face. Sorry not sorry
Damn victory sex feels great
Just walked outside my house; realized I wasn't wearing any pants after about 3 minutes or so.
Drunk, high, hungover?
...I wish I had an excuse.
Whatever, ill dance on the bar at applebees, don't try and act like you're above it.
Randomize
