it's a shame restraining orders have to come between me and my relationships
Okay you totally passed out. Ask me about the bike parking garage and the expired baby formula in the morning.
new rule: i'm not touching his penis until he takes me out to dinner.
you know, if you actually abided by that rule there would be many more successful restauranteurs in ohio.
I hid a girl's boot last night so I could ransom it back this morning via the "blowjobs for boots" program.
I almost got away with it until she smelled beer on the stroller.
I have discovered that there is nothing that a giant penis attached to a southern accent can't talk me into. yee-haw!
If we ever start off with margaritas for breakfast and end up naked covered in olive oil...I could think of worse ways to spend a day.
Don't linger or you will get sucked into spending the night. Remember the mission mantra: GET OFF
My fake id got more birthday sex than I've had in my life.
There would be some who claim I got a little "carried away" or that we "probably don't need that many jello shots". They would be wrong.
... why is there baby oil , black socks and frozen hot dogs in the sink this morning ?
You should of known that i was high if i refer to myself as melting into anything
I got a message the other day that just said “great tits”
A gentleman AND a scholar
We're just starting to open presents and I already need a shot. This is gonna be a long Christmas day.
I teamed up with my vagina. I compromised his morals and then she corrupted him for good. It’s been a very successful and slutty partnership
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