Big sunglasses are the new paper bag
ya. and they're way easier to confince girls to wear during sex
girl next to me is signing up for tough love. definitely getting laid.
after giving each other head, we had a really nice post-oral heart to heart. found out he lost his virginity in a threesome.
It was awful until we put her on a word ration. And she rationed her words accordingly. I love blondes.
Oh god, so much rum. I think I was in a shotgun wedding with a Bacardi promotion girl.
you're good to come back. The bouncer pulled me aside and told me. He also said you have nothing to worry about and that you have an awesome "upper punch" or some shit
This is why I can't have Wednesdays.... Or adult decisions.
"But puppies!" Is not an acceptable excuse for trying to drunkenly steal someone's dog, you promiscuous midget!!
When you are old and getting humped by saggy balls every other weekend you are gonna wish you had more sex with freshly legal boys. Your vagina will thank you one day. Don't let her down.
I mean you would really have to try to not have fun at a party that doesn't require pants....
Im in my back seat in my own drive way with two beers left to shotgun and watching the sunrise. Am I over her yet?
Don't stress. That was a joke. I'd trust my pets with no one else. Accidents happen. Sometimes things go smoothly when you help a neighbor out and sometimes you electrocute their fish. Life is funny that way.
we're drinking bellinis i mean god's titty nectar
My dry spell starts kindergarten this fall...
They grow up so fast.
Longest 30 seconds of my life
10/10 so not recommended
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