I just ran from Santa Claus in Kroger
the clerk said it was the first time she had ever seen someone walk in the next day to return the tux still wearing the tux
my mom used to put diet coke in my bottle. i can pretty much handle anything.
and when he finished he handed me a baby wipe so i could clean up. i'm ok with the fact that he has kids, but not sure how to react to this.
you dipped you banana in queso last night.
I HAVE MY OWN TITS FOR THAT AND I CAN GUARANTEE THAT THEYRE MORE GLORIOUS
Yeah he's definitely gonna feel that one when he wakes up. I beat the shit out of him with that broom handle.
Top hats and gin. This is why I love day drinking.
I had him autograph the condom wrapper.
One day this summer I just wanna get blown under the hot sun all day.
Deal. Roof-top 69 on Saturday, July 20th. I've got it in my calendar.
I just compared his sexting to a plate of spaghetti. And he STILL wants to sleep with me.
Bring a bathing suit and your good liver.
My good liver is still at the dry cleaners. Will my backup liver suffice?
Maybe
She told me "I think I'm going to puke tonight" a few seconds later she said smiling"I can't wait!"
If you can give me an orgasm, you'll get a trophy.
He accepted my bet of 5 bucks to bike home completely naked. Never got asked about the 5 bucks, guess he enjoyed it too much
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