Why did we buy the only spinning apartment on campus?
is drinking for groundhog day legit?
well you blacked out on MLK day and we pregamed arbor day, so yes
i don't think my dad can get all that mad since he got arrested for almost exactly the same thing last weekend
I just had to stop two people giving each other hand jobs in the pool. That was not something I was taught in lifeguard training
Seriously? What part of meeting at Oktoberfest while I'm wearing a dirndl, double fisting, and making out with random guys screams "i'm girlfriend material"?!
I love you like a cupcake loves an overweight child, very similar to the mannerisms of a whole cake but personal, and minus the commitment issues, plus just the right amount of icing; not to mention the convenience of mobility, and only a smidgen of the guilt😘
The cop told you to put your hands behind your back and you slurred "I'm not falling for that again"
It's truly amazing how much porn I can get in while my phones at 1% battery life.
So my roommate just came out of the shower with a dude...guess that answers all questions as to whether or not he's gay
I just want you to know when I bang him in the back of my car later I'll have pony by ginuwine on repeat
I've washed my hands three times and it still smells like Astroglide.
Hey! How are you feeling? Still preferring soup over sex?
It doesn't count as "finding the lesbian" if you fuck a straight girl!
Don't come back. They don't have pants.
Oh god.
God has nothing to do with this.
I wanna riverboat gamble on your vaginal waters. Just sayin
Randomize
