I stood up and a chip flew out of my shirt and landed in the chip dish. I just walked away.
he just looked at me and whispered "these are my sea lions. my sea lions." and then went back to licking the mirror
I shouldn't have had sex with her. I feel that I may have opened a pandora's vagina
that awkward moment when your booty call gets snowed in at your place.
He told me he's not in to anal. I need to marry him, ASAP.
So glad I decided to show up and puke in your trashcan.
These are the moments that bond souls forever.
I blame it on the rum. It keeps jumpng doqn my throst.
I just saw a bunch of drunk old guys riding on the side of a modified old fire truck yelling at cars and smoking while they looked for parking...promise we will be just like them when we grow up?
I'm craigslisting fire trucks as we speak
Until you can top getting paid to have women tell you to check out their ass, my job will remain better than yours
you started shaking the frozen steak while screaming "THIS IS CAPITALISM" before rubbing it all over your chest and passing out on your dog
Cant leave im designed bacon maker you come here
I just realized it's officially fall..I had sex while watching Halloween
He's getting so into these sexts, I hate to tell him I'm fully clothes, watching Bring It On and eating chips and salsa.
I'm actually glad the whole thing's over now. It's exhausting to fake a pregnancy.
Imagine not having to fake it.
Yeah, I should never have kids, probably.
Looks like the opera singer hook up is paying off. Ran into the MILF from 407 and she said “your lady friend sounded like a very lucky girl.”
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