I would have done the walk of shame but I couldnt walk
i wish i could post a picture of his odd shaped penis on facebook and label it "wtf???"
I woke up hungover and reached for a glass of water only to realize too late that it was vodka sprite with my splooge in it.
Who spends 33 dollars at Taco Bell and lives???
He kept surfacing with a delighted look on his face, guessing different types of food to try to figure out what makes my pussy taste so good.
Well. I have your keys. You have my car. Looks like we have a drunkxican standoff.
I think animal control just caught me smoking a bowl on the back porch. Do they have any say in this matter?? Haha
I mean you would really have to try to not have fun at a party that doesn't require pants....
Yeah I remember doing the worm in my moms room. While she's yelling at me and I'm making seagull nooises
Prerry sure I narrowly avoided being tazed by a swat cop last night... But on the up side, we found my purse.
I don't know bro. If a girl makes you cum hard enough that you pull a back muscle, she might be the perfect one to call for a massage on said muscle.
I just woke up ass naked on top of all my sheets, with no blinds in my room because i used them as togas, my back is killing me, im covered in sharpie, i have no memory of last night, and im pretty sure im still drunk. I consider the night a success
Just peed on the front lawn of the capital building. Great American.
If I get really high and watch Beauty and The Beast on our Netflx account, will you judge me?
Only if you start before I get home!
As you were falling you yelled out, "save my burrito!" Priorities
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