why doesnt he love me? i have tried everything. i even sang to him after sex.
you have got to be kidding?
my friend asked What a UTI was in front of everyone, letts just say his girlfriend was a lil pissed
ill find time for any girl whos not afraid to grab my junk in front of 100 people
Every time she shows up on my newsfeed, I get the taste of tequila in my mouth.
That girl gave me her number because you were arrested. I am so proud of you dude.
Guess who won a bet and gets to name it Optimus prime if it's a boy
Nevermind. Totally worth it.
151 hangover. Need apocalypse.
how many people can say they bit their tattoo off?
When one of my seniors asked "Rough night?" I realized my poor decisions involving Tuesday night drinking did not go unnoticed.
me + whiskey = a bad person
Bitch got stabbed in the eye. With a fork. Wait for it... At church. I was the only one at a party interested in her story. Only in the south
Do u think the bouncer will let me in with a giant stuffed snake?
Verdict: uncircumcised.
While finding our clothes afterwards he says..."So do we like have to talk after this?"
Only you would make Mario Party a contact sport.
And you owe me a new pair of switch controllers.
Randomize
