So I'm pretty sure when I was giving a Birthday Blow J, he went to grab my boob, but grabbed a fat roll and asked "You're not wearing a bra?"
And he tried to make it as casual as possible by asking where i was going on vacation while he was poundin me.
Yes I want to fuck your friends but it's out of respect and love for you.
I'll just dance on top of the ping pong table, and if it's stable enough for that, then it's stable enough for sex
How is it possible that I am in a completely different city, and there are 2 dudes here that I've banged? How????
Well, on the plus side, the hospital gave me a shirt that says "Makes a bad ass look good"
i'm not even sure i have knees anymore. that awesome.
Can I just say I love that you have a kegorator on your wedding registry?
NO I WOULD NOT GET A GUMMER FROM A GRANDMOTHER
We are gunna have the best winter break smoking weed and eating ham
Dude when the cops came you ran through the fence. Fucking THROUGH it. You're a master ditcher.
I'm giving head in a stairwell, I'll be back in a few minutes. I'm so ashamed.
Idk I wanna make it till midnight but I also want tequila
He came on my favorite pants. He is dead to me.
B. I found a note on my phone and all it says is 'Fuck yeah im a racecar'
Randomize
