Mines from giving head on hardwood floors.
The girl next to me in class is taking notes on woman's suffrage with a girls gone wild pen.
that's like riding a pigeon when you could fuck a bald eagle
I'm stoned and have been watching so many cartoons that I changed the channel and real people were on, and it scared me
I just past a guy who was biking and double fisting wit glass beer bottles. That is what i call talent
shouldve known this week was gonna be bad when I threw up in my coffee mug
A hangover is a type of food poisoning. Makes me feel better about calling out of work.
I love your family. Oh. And on a completely unrelated note, I know where we can steal a dog.
i love that feeling when you wake up and have no idea how you got back to your dorm or why you have mac and cheese on your cheeks and eyelashes in your mouth
I didn't notice because vodka
he drank all my beer while i was at work and passed out on my couch, when i got home he was out cold and my room mates pig was licking him. they seemed peaceful, so i took 20 bucks from his wallet and left again.
I'm moving out of my place and I just gave my mom a couch that I had sex on last night. Reduce, reuse, recycle at its best.
I'm bathroom at buffalo wild wings
I think incapable of making pants work send help
I'm glad you got documented proof of my stupidity with a head full of nitrous
Hahaha and I'm glad you are doing whip its at a childrens basketball game
I'm drunkenly throwing popcorn at a spider, fuck him. Why does his scary 8 legs get to be happy?
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