Im gonna name my vag after egypt, "the valley of kings"
why does he think he needs to feed/take me out to get some ass? we are at a bar wasting my fucking time
I just accidentally stumbled into an AA meeting...I think its a sign
Should I be alarmed that you're a regular enough at a bar to show up in sweatpants?
The lid of our salsa is promoting a contest that ended in July '09
More importantly, he hasn't caught an STD yet. I mean I'd say it's luck, but at this point it has to be skill.
Think of where it's been though. That Dr. Suess book, "Oh the Places You'll go" was written for his penis.
Seriously I will never run in my wedges while drinking racing home to have sex ever again
While eating post sex burritos I dripped taco bell sauce on my boob. He licked it off and asked why I hadn't thought of that before.
The problem with that is that my car has been stolen
I now have a full length bright red cape in my possession. Best sex trophy ever.
Interesting occurrence: the application I use to keep track of my periods and sexual encounters just notified me it had been over 4 months since you were logged as an active partner and ask if I'd like to remove you from my options. Wow, kmsl.
Before he gave me the breathelizer, he told me to "blow like you're blowing your boyfriend". I like him. My tax dollars are well spent
He texted me "sup", so I sent him that gif of the surprised guy and apparently it offended him
Have you ever thought, hey maybe the reason we were togather that long was because I was drunk the whole relationship?
Randomize
