Where were you when I was single???
Still in diapers.
i think i'm in class. and blacked out.
I guess wearing a straight up bikini to class is an early indication that Thirsty Thursday has started.
Yeah, first time I've shit my pants in my twenties... I'm thinking about putting it on my Facebook timeline
He stopped responding after the animal pictures... I do this EVERY TIME.
He left his phone. Turns out he;s been sexting with some girls who can't spell. Time to break out the herpes scare.
the only thing you said was do the helicopter dick
That's like.....u just dangled a sex carrot in front of me then took it away!
So hungover. Walked into room and poached their catering before realized in wrong place. Scowled and ate it anyway
So this is completely apropos of nothing, but I have a feeling that a friend of mine might be a good match for you. Can I set you two up on a date? Oh, and it seems that we live a block away from each other and aren't having sexy times. This is ridiculous. By the way, there's a chance that I might be a tad drunk. Still though, there's a very *good* chance that you and Mr. X would get along.
This is it. This is the birthday cake that gets me laid.
just woke up on the floor of my shower...it was still runnning
He can't say no, it's my spiritual goddamn quest.
Please tell me im imagining that i claimed that i was king of the ducks.
Probably shouldn't be looking at memes at my grandmother's funeral
Randomize
