I thought she was mad at me, but then we did a pose off and I realized we're friends for life
If you win this game of words with friends, ill suck you off for 30 minutes. No lie.
I cant last that long. Do i get the rollover minutes?
Literally passed out while tubing... Boating while hammered is a blast but thank God for life jackets
Law school is ruining my masturbation schedule.
Before you ask, yes. Whatever you're wearing IS too slutty for his mom's funeral.
i love that feeling when you wake up and have no idea how you got back to your dorm or why you have mac and cheese on your cheeks and eyelashes in your mouth
So I am guessing last night was a success we are all accounted for and only 3 of us have hospital bracelets on
We'll talk about this tommorrow when I'm not mistaking my fingers for French fries....
The guys in the quick check just recognized me as the girl who bought rolling papers and whipped cream. This is the walk of shame on crack.
Lmfao a voicemail screaming about you partying with your tits out and a text at 3 am saying you went too crazy... this should be a good one
LEAVE ME AND MY NIPPLES ALONE
Who brings a stripper home to ninja turtle bed sheets
Me and I got head
i opened the door and you were passed out on my doorstep wearing ugly shorts and cuddling a pinnapple, i dont know what happened to you.
That’s true love. If they recognize a chocolate mold of your anus.
So i've noticed that drunk me erases sent messages to hide them from sober me, because drunk me knows that sober me will be PISSED at drunk me.
Randomize
