Already got asked if we're dating
I've had that scene from "Parenthood" where Rick Moranis' character is singing "Close To You" to his wife in classroom, stuck in my head all morning.
I guess my mind is just wondering whatever happened to Rick Mornais.
every time I hook up with him I think about the fact that penicillin was a mistake too... and look how well that turned out. It makes me feel just a little bit better.
i fell asleep on him beating off on webcam last night, i'm such a great boyfriend.
Clearly I understand physics better when I'm on cocaine
He told me he breastfed 'til he was six. That explains the obsession with me getting fake tits. Is it a red flag?
the room spins SO much faster in panama
John stretched a condom over his face and tried to puke in it.
All three shower stalls were filled with couples fucking and then someone yelled "switch" and... We switched
I'm still confused. So he's NOT your cousin by blood, but WAS your cousin, on two separate occasions, by marriage? Still too weird I think...
I don't care if my next phone has to run on the blood of virgin koala bears, I don't want to be scrambling for a charger.
I got frustrated so I just stood up and said take me to bed or lose me forever and banged the first guy who responded show me the way home. Thank you Top Gun.
If he would've shaved his beard when we first broke up, getting over him would've been so much simpler. That asshole.
Try to fuck my roomie AND steal my slippers: you are no longer my favorite cousin.
You asked him if he would have sex with you under the dinosaur. He declined and then you started crying, blaming the sand.
Randomize
