If I remember correctly, I may have been smoking a cigarette on the dance floor. This is the true sign of a douchebag in his native habitat...fmylife
I'm having a terrible night. Can I sleep over?
Too tired to pretend that I care : (
She made me repeat after her: "I take responsibility for what I put in my own mouth."
yeah he was eating me out and i didnt know someone made popcorn so I thought the smell was comming from my vagina
wtf
she asked him to cuddle cuz she was cold and instead he got up, moved the space heater to her side of the bed, and went back to sleep
He started using my brother's rc helicopter as a beer delivery device. He's a drunk McGyver.
Please do us both a favor and come rip my clothes off.
Your cock deserves a montage
I piss off the neighbors just so I can have someone to compete with.
He gave me a beer, petted my head, and called me kiddo.
Girls at BYU need to learn how to handle a penis. I swear my date last night was trying to pull it off my body to use later.
Virgins should have to wear a badge. This burden is too heavy...
Hey, I found that piece of pizza you lost in my bed last night. Never again...
We were making eye contact while i was throwing up.
She asked me to tell her the three words every girl wants to hear so I whispered "I play hockey" in her ear.
Randomize
